Be Kind, Have Fun, Get Better

What is this, one of those god damn self-help books?

When people talk about how successful someone is, I always wonder what they mean. Success is so different for everybody and while one person’s version of success might involve becoming a millionaire, someone else’s might totally exclude money and be focussed on happiness, or building a family, or being the best antique wooden duck collector in all of Estonia (and good luck to him or her, because there are a few of them).

At this point, you are very possibly thinking “but you’re just some guy and why would I listen to just some guy? Haven’t you ever heard of stranger danger?” and that is the perfectly logical response to all of this. I’m not Brené Brown, I’m not a successful business owner, and I’m sure as hell not going to break the antique wooden duck record anywhere in eastern Europe but what I do have is an easy and authentic way to feel success in your life. Besides, you’ve read this far, so you may as well just read the rest.

You always want to do your best and make the world a better place, but I guess what I’m trying to say is how can you, as one little person in one little house on one big old planet know that you’re doing ‘your best’. Spoilers: you can’t. However there are three things that help me when I’m stuck. Three things that I think determine not only success, but also what’s most important in your life, and in the world.

The three things are simply:

1. Be Kind

2. Have Fun

3. Get Better

Better yet, they come with a handy disclaimer: You don’t need to be doing them all the time. In fact, it’s not possible to - so that takes the pressure off a little. But if you can reflect on what you’ve done in a day and tick off one or more, I’d call that a success, and if you can comfortably say you’re doing all three more than 50% of the time then you are crushing it.

They’re pretty simple but in case you want a few more thoughts, here you go:

Be Kind

Being kind is - and always will be – the most important. Sadly, lots of people might disagree with that sentiment, but the reality is that I don’t think the next two are worth anything if you can’t get this one right most of the time. With social media rapidly changing our brain chemistry, and as a result, our social landscape, being kind is more vital than ever. Of course, there have always been unkind people, but now, more than ever, we need those people to shut the f*** up while the rest of us get on with looking after everyone.

It’s not always easy to be kind but when you can, it pays off. As far as I’m aware, there is no downside to being kind. Kindness is free, it makes people feel better, and selfishly, it makes you feel better as well. Some people might say this is wrong because people will take advantage of you. These people are bitter, and in a previous life, they were probably a sad little goblin who lived in a cave somewhere.

More importantly though, they’re wrong. Kindness is not something that can be taken advantage of because to be kind is not to ‘serve someone else’. It’s about displaying empathy and understanding for others, it’s about listening when they speak, giving them your full attention and supporting them in their triumphs and defeats, it’s not about doing their bidding. Fuck that. You don’t have time for doing anyone’s bidding. You’re too busy being kind. Now don’t get me wrong, I know I’m not the kindest person on the planet. There are plenty of people who I dislike, and any number of folk I’d happily never see again. So that’s when you don’t need to be kind, however you can still be nice. It’s important to note that niceness and kindness aren’t the same thing - being nice is like being kind without caring and that’s an important difference. Then there’s people who, for one reason or another, don’t even deserve your niceness – and that’s your call but hey, like Mum used to say: ‘if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything’.

So, in short, you can’t always be kind but you can be kind most of the time and if we’re ever going to heal as a society and overcome the intense hatred that stems from the online realm - kindness, in reality, is all that matters.

Have Fun

This is the most simple of the three but I’ll talk through it anyway, (because I’m having fun – oh my god, he’s doing it right now!). The crux of it is - if you don’t find joy in doing what you’re doing, what’s the point? And please, before you think I’m trying to start a cult, remember the disclaimer: Can you always have fun? No, obviously not. You still have to do things that are boring, deal with people that annoy you and go to work on the tough days (side note: I think anyone who says the phrase

“I love my job, so I’ve never worked a day in my life” is either lying, or is a genuine psychopath).

Life isn’t always fun, and you can’t always be happy, however when you can, embrace it. Find joy where you can and soak it in. I genuinely believe that if life has a purpose, it is to enjoy ourselves, and to bring joy to others. This is where having fun links to being kind. If you’re having fun at someone else’s expense – stop – that ain’t it. Find a way to have a good time by either disrupting no one, or by including others in your groove. It’s more fun that way. Don’t be a dick. And fun doesn’t always mean you’re smiling and laughing and skipping through flowers. Some people enjoy sports, some enjoy working hard, some enjoy relaxing, and some people even enjoy writing stupid blogs that probably no one will ever read.

Fun can come from a sense of satisfaction as much as it can come from a real and proper laugh with friends, so whatever it might be that’s fun for you – savour it, you deserve it.

Get Better

Now this is the tricky one. This is hard. Because I mean getting better at everything you’re doing. Getting better at work, getting better at your hobby, even getting better

at being kind and having fun. Sounds tough hey? Well - it is but the payoff is HUGE.

It’s more than simply:

If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.

It’s:

If you always get better at what you’re always doing, you’ll (almost) always have more fun than you’ve always had.

The simplest example is a video game. You start in the tutorial where you don’t know the buttons, you have no idea what you’re trying to achieve, and your character is a naked worm (or whatever). If it stayed that way for the entire game, you’d have no drive to continue playing. The reality is that as you progress, you learn more, you find weapons or armour or new hats (or whatever) and you battle increasingly more challenging opponents and circumstances. In short, you get better. Therefore, it becomes more enjoyable. You don’t need to get better in real life in the same way you do in a video game either. A video game progresses rapidly and you can get better very quickly. In our work, and our hobbies, getting better takes time, patience, practice, and a lot of hard work. Are you going to be better tomorrow than you were today? Not always, but next week, next month, or next year? Oh you’ll be better. And when you reflect, everything will be way easier and more fun now than it ever was before.

For me it stands out most clearly in the stand-up comedy scene than anywhere else. There are countless people who get into stand-up comedy, many of whom persist in their efforts. Inevitably, everyone starts quite badly but many of these people will realise there are improvements to be made and work hard to make them – changing jokes, delivery, processes, whatever. These people get better opportunities, better gigs, and they have a better time. Then there’s the other type who will write some bad jokes, perform them quite badly and then blame the crowd. They’ll do the same thing next week and the week after and the week after and illicit the same responses from poor, unfortunate crowds who deserve better. Then they’ll be sad that no one is offering them better gigs or better opportunities. Beyond that though, I would ask them: “Where’s the joy?”

Getting better at things is fun. Not improving is frustrating. The people you love working with are probably not the ones that frustrate you endlessly because they never learn. The actors, singers, performers, and even politicians you like are the ones that have worked hard to get better and better (with the exception of Nicholas Cage – who knows whether that guy is good or bad?). It’s also important to note that the pressure is off because most important part of this is that you don’t have to be the best at anything you do, and everyone gets better at different rates. So enjoy the process!

Time to wrap this up, Evan, I’ve got things to do…

When it comes to success, if you’re up at night wondering whether or not you’re doing well think about all three of these things as a metric. Think about them in terms of not only today, not only this week but this year, this decade. Are you a kind person? Are you the sort of person that cares how you impact others? Do you have fun – not just at work, but in your life - with your friends, your family, your dog, your hobbies, and everything and anything else? Are you getting better at being kind and having fun? Can you get better at getting better? You sure can. And the better you get, the easier it is to see why getting better at getting better is more fun.

That last sentence was nonsense but hey, you know what I mean. I hope when I re-read this after I’ve written more blogs, I can reflect on it and make it better. That’s the

dream. For the time being though, I think it’s better than my last one, I had fun writing it and if it helps one person in the smallest way then I can say it was a kind thing to do. So I’m calling it a success.