How to be the best wedding MC
Tips, advice, and thoughts…
So, someone has asked you to be the MC (or the ‘Master of Ceremonies’, if you prefer the formality) at their wedding because they think you’ll do a great job. You said yes because you’re a great person, and you love these people, but you’re also quietly freaking out because you haven’t done something like this before and you know how important their wedding is to them? Oh, trust me my friend, I’ve been there.
Why should you trust what I say?
The first time I was asked to be the MC for a wedding was by a very close friend. Her and her partner had everything planned out, down to minute details and then they asked me to take charge of the microphone for the evening. At the ripe old age of 26, I’d genuinely never attended a wedding as an adult and didn’t even know what the role of the MC was. My friend had asked me to do it because I’d dabbled in stand-up comedy, and I teach kids every day – both helpful skills to have for public speaking, but not as helpful as most people think.
Nevertheless, I said yes. I wanted to help them out however I could, but I also believed I could do a good job – where the confidence that carried that thought came from, I’ll never know. I started researching what a wedding MC does and what it takes to be a good one and found an overwhelming number of articles and videos on the topic that made it impossible to know which one to trust. So now after 7 years, and a lot of experience, I have decided that there would be nothing more helpful than to add my own thoughts to the cacophony of voices already out there in an effort to fill up the internet and totally confuse anyone who wants help (no but seriously, I think if you’ve got ideas and you think they might help someone, you should share them).
It's probably important that you know the rest of my story as well before you read my advice. I’ll make it as brief as I can: Being the MC for that first wedding went better than anyone (my friends included) expected. While she may well have been exaggerating, and I might be exaggerating to you now (who knows what you can trust anymore) she told me that after the wedding, several people complimented her on her choice of MC. Although I felt proud of the work I’d done, I felt more strongly about the enormous sense of relief that I’d done a good job. I wanted them to be happy, and they were.
Since that first terrifying experience, I’ve been the MC for many more weddings, both for friends (who have paid in thanks and love) and for clients (who have paid in Australian dollars). I’ve been lucky enough to travel to England to MC a wedding for friends there and it was MCing weddings that reinvigorated my stand-up comedy career and, in some part,motivated me to become a marriage celebrant.
So that’s me, thanks for asking. Now let’s get to you.
You want to avoid doing anything wrong? Here are some thoughts...
Dear lord, don’t wing it. I don’t believe you’ll be great off the cuff. You won’t just ‘work it out when you’ve got the mic in your hand’. You’re not Jimmy Carr (I assume). Don’t throw caution to the wind. Don’t ‘YOLO’ it. Just don’t wingit.
For whatever reason, some people feel like this is something that can be done easily with no planning. They’re the same people (and let’s be honest boys, it’s a male-dominated confidence group) that believe they could land the plane with no training. I’m not saying that MCing a wedding is as difficult as landing a plane but without any planning, you will absolutely crash and burn.
And before I move on, I should also say that I’ve heard the “Nah the bride and groom have said they don’t care what I do so I’ll be right” argument too many times to not mention it. If I can promise you one thing about weddings, it’s this: 99% of the time, no matter how chill they are, or how many times they say they don’t care what you do, they will care what you do. It’s their wedding. Everyone they love is there. They paid good money to celebrate their love. They trusted you to do a good job so just do a damn good job.
OK enough about what not to do. Time for greatness.
After that rant, I have no doubt that you’ll be able to guess what my advice entails but I’ll tell you anyway: prepare. A little while ago, I was talking to a very talented comedian friend of mine – David Hughes (no, not that one) – and I was saying how frustrating it is to watch someone on stage who seems unprepared. He then said 5 words that very eloquently explained why it’s so important to be prepared. He said, “preparation is all we have.” And he’s right. In comedy, you never know what the crowd will be like – whether they’ll be drunk or sober or nice or mean, you don’t often know how many there’ll be or what the other acts will be like. There’s no way for you to be sure of anything about the evening except for what you are going to do.
The exact same applies to MCing a wedding. Will the guests be rowdy? Will they be attentive? Will they like you? What will the speeches be like? How long will they go for? Will the married couple be on top of things or will they need a reminder of when things are happening? There is almost no way to control any of these things, along with a hundred other factors but the more prepared you are, the easier it will be to tackle any problems that arise.
In terms of preparation, there are a few steps that could help:
Speak to the couple
These are the people that know everything that’s going on. Or at least one of them should. And if they don’t, they need to think about what they want. Here are a few key questions to get started with:
What time does the reception start?
Is it sit-down or cocktail?
How many guests are you expecting?
Is there a DJ or a band or a Spotify playlist?
What needs to be introduced at the start? (This might include things like a guestbook or phone, a photobooth, how the drink service works, where the exits are or any other whacky thing that might be a part of the evening).
Will there be speeches? If so, how many, from whom, and in what order?
Will the speeches be one after another or will they be spaced out?
Do you expect them to be long speeches? (as a general piece of advice, I would suggest anywhere from 2 – 10 minutes to be an appropriate speech but if there are more than a few speeches, I would suggest capping them at 5 or 7 minutes so everyone isn’t left with vacant stares on their faces after 50 minutes of people talking).
Are there any other ‘activities’ eg. cake cutting, first dance, wedding games etc. and if there are, how do you want them done? Do you want everyone involved/watching?
What is the timeline?
And arguably THE most essential question of all: what do you expect of me as an MC?
There are obviously a hundred more questions that can follow these, but I would suggest that these are the main things worth knowing. A lot of them, they may not know the answer to and that’s okay but you should follow up with them closer to the wedding.
When it comes to answering the final question, they are most likely going to say something along the lines of ‘you do you’ and that’s a superb answer (it means you can plan for what works best for you). But it’s important to ask because if they want you to sing a duet of ‘Over The Rainbow’ or something radical, you need to know, so that you can politely say ‘absolutely not a fucking chance, but thank you very much’.
Knowing the answers to all these things helps you with two main things. It helps you visualise the room (along with how many people will be present in there and whether they’ll be sitting or standing etc.) and it helps you to understand how many times you’ll have to speak.
Plan what you need to say
Say there are going to be 4 speeches, and a first dance to introduce and that will be all. The speeches will be one after another and the married couple would also like you to introduce them (and the bridal party) when they arrive at the reception after photos have been taken. In this case you’ll typically speak 7 times in total:
For housekeeping matters at the beginning, to introduce yourself before the bride and groom arrive (you don’t want to be talking about where the toilets are and when dinner will be served while the bride is waiting outside).
To introduce them as they make their glorious entrance.
To introduce the first speaker.
To thank the first speaker and introduce the second.
To thank the second speaker and introduce the third.
To thank the third speaker and introduce the fourth.
To thank the fourth speaker, along with everyone else involved, and to introduce the first dance. This will be the last time you speak to everyone for the evening so also saying something about what a pleasure it’s been to be involved and how grateful you are to the couple etc.
Once you’ve worked out how many times you’ll speak, and before you start thinking about being entertaining, you need to know the key information you’ll have to give everyone at each point. For example, in the housekeeping section, you may need to tell everyone to leave a message for the happy couple on the video camera at the front, or you may need to tell everyone with dietary requirements to speak to Jeff behind the bar. One of the speeches may be presented by a close friend who has flown from Canada to be here – that might be an important thing to say.
And why should you speak in between each of the speeches? For two reasons
To refresh the guests – every speech is different, and every new speaker deserves a clear slate to come up to. The first speaker may have a really emotional speech that makes everyone cry their eyes out and the second speaker might have a more humorous approach. When everyone sees you again, it resets their brain to “OK that was nice, now who do we have next” rather than being thrown into emotional turmoil from one to another, and;
It means they don’t have to introduce each other. That’s not their job. It’s hard enough speaking in front of people (as you know) and getting to the end of their speech without becoming a shaking mess. The last thing they need is to have to remember who is speaking next and to introduce them. I assure you, it’s much better this way. They can finish talking, they can hand the mic to you, hug the couple, and return to their place in the crowd all while you thank them, congratulate them for doing a great job and introduce the next person.
Make it more interesting
Once you know the important messages that need to come across, you can start jazzing things up a little bit. This doesn’t mean writing a full comedy set for every time you’re speaking, and in fact it doesn’t mean writing ‘jokes’ at all if you aren’t the type of person that considers yourself funny (I do – I think I’m hilarious) but just turning something bland like:
“The father of the bride is going to speak now”…
into something that brings the energy up like:
“I have spent a lot of the evening getting to know everyone and speaking with this man has been an outright joy, I can’t wait to hear what he has to say… So please make our next speaker feel very welcome, it’s the father of the bride – Mr David Tyrrell!!”
Or whatever.
If you’re thinking about writing jokes – ABSOLUTELY do! If you think the couple will appreciate them (a bit of a ‘roast’ is fine, as long as they’re not just terrible jokes that talk about their sexual pasts and make everyone uncomfortable) then think about the key elements of what you have to say and write a quick line related to it.
You don’t have to be entertaining, funny, or magical. You only have to be engaging. Once you’ve got what you’re going to say write it down. In your phone or on your computer is fine but I personally find that writing things down by hand locks it in my memory more. But maybe that’s just me.
Know your timings
This one is easy. Just don’t overstay your welcome. Other than in the first instance for the housekeeping portion, I would say that each time you speak, you don’t want to be speaking for more than a minute. Your job is to be entertaining, or at the very least ENGAGING and then allow the speakers or the couple their moments to shine.
A good MC is one with a positive energy who you are happy to see come back time and time again. The same goes for a comedy show: The MC doesn’t have to be the funniest person on the night, or the most entertaining but if they’re good at their job then when they come back, your brain will say a little “oh it’s this person. We like this person.”
You want to be that person. And to be that person, you just need to be engaging but brief.
In terms of timing, you also want to know when the couple are planning on things happening. They will likely have a runsheet of timings for each part of the evening – it’s important that you have a copy of this because they’ll be socialising and partying and there’s a good chance they could lose track of time. If there’s no event coordinator there to keep things on track – this falls to you, so keep the timings written down on the day and do your best to communicate to the couple throughout the evening!
Practise, practise, practise, practise, practise, practise, practise, practise, practise, practise…
I can’t say it enough. Practising is essential. Once you’ve spoken to the couple, you know what they want, and you’ve written your lines/jokes/script/plan, you need to practise out loud. Not in your head, not in your dreams – you need to actually say the words so you know how they sound coming out of your mouth. You need to know you haven’t accidentally put any tongue twisters in there. You need to time yourself to know you’re not actually speaking for 45 minutes.
This can feel strange at first but you can do it on your own, or in front of someone you trust. Me, personally, I hate practising in front of people until I have things committed to memory. So I practise while I’m driving. Or in the garden. Or I tuck myself away in the spare room. I practise until I don’t need to read it off the page and THEN I practise in front of my wife. She is amazing and very patient with this part and she’s also wonderful to bounce ideas off. If you’re lucky enough to have someone like this, ask them if they have the time to listen to you and give some feedback.
Practise saying the words and also think about how to deliver them. Delivery is a massive part of public speaking. You can have all of Kevin Hart’s greatest jokes written in front of you and read them out loud and not a single one of them will come off because you’re not delivering them in the way he does. So practise what you’re going to say and think about timing, pauses, when to speak louder, and more quietly and you’ll find what feels best.
What about using notes just in case?
Yes! You can absolutely take notes up there to help you. No one (who matters) will judge you for it. You’re not a professional and you’re doing this as a favour to the couple so feel free. The beauty of practising is that you almost definitely won’t need the notes. You can have them there and you can refer to them when you speak, but you don’t need to read it word-for-word off the page. Being engaging is about speaking to the audience, which you can do, while occasionally looking down to remind yourself what’s coming next if you need to.
And call me a boomer but personally I think there is a big difference between using handwritten notes and using a phone. People speaking off their phones – to me as a performer – looks like unpreparedness. Look around at everyday life and people looking down at their phones seem distant, distracted, and bored. Subconsciously, people watching someone standing in front of a crowd on their phone will associate those same traits with the person speaking.
Again, it’s a very personal point to make but I assure you that no matter the age of the people watching, you will look a lot more organised and prepared if you aren’t reading off a phone.
Tips to help with nerves
Finally, it’s the big day. You’ve spoken to the couple, you’ve planned what you’re saying, and you’ve practised more times than you can count, you’ve got some handwritten prompts to help you, the ceremony was bloody gorgeous and now it’s your turn. But now as you’re waiting, you’ve got a nervous feeling in your stomach, your heart rate is up and you can’t focus on the conversation around you! Don’t worry – it’s normal. And here are just a couple of tips to help with those last-minute jitters.
First off, nerves are good. Nerves mean you want to do a good job. I always remind myself that the nervousness pathway in your brain is the same as the pathway for excitement (I’m not even sure if that’s true but it makes sense). Being nervous means you want to do a good job. If you weren’t nervous, I would be way more worried about you.
Remember – it’s a wedding! Everyone is here for a good time. 99.9% of people at weddings are happy to be there and there’s a real sense of joy in the air. The guests at a wedding are typically stoked for the couple getting married and since the couple obviously trust you to be an MC, the guests will too.
You’re allowed to make mistakes. No one expects you to be a flawless presenter or a professional comedian. The pressure is off. Trip over your words, mess up the joke you wrote, get a name wrong – it’s OK! Just acknowledge you messed it up and move on. People at weddings are very forgiving.
Don’t have too much to drink. I don’t mean to sound like your Mum and I don’t know who is reading this but the classic case of ‘liquid courage’ only really extends to one or two drinks. As nervous as you might be, you will be so much better if you are in a good mental state. Don’t be the guy who downs six pints because ‘he’ll be fine’ and then slurs half his words and forgets the other half.
Finally, trust yourself! They have asked you to be their MC for a reason. Probably for a few reasons. They trust you, so you should trust yourself. You know what you’re doing. You’ll be amazing.
Have fun!
Now that’s it, I promise! If you managed to get all the way to the end of this, you deserve an award. There’s a lot to take in and I really hope that some small part of it was helpful to you. If you have any questions at all, any feedback on what I’ve said, or you want any more advice, you can hit me up for absolutely free by emailing evan@meetyouatthealtar.com.au and I will get back to you as soon as possible - it would be my pleasure to help!
To finish this off, let me just say that whatever happens, have fun with it! It might be the only public speaking you do for the rest of your life, or it might be the spark that lights a fire of ambition in your heart like it did for me.
But either way, enjoy yourself! Not only because the guests and the couple will see you enjoying yourself and enjoy themselves more as a result, but because you want to look back at the wedding and say what a great time it was and how much you loved being able to help.
I’m certain you’ll be fantastic. Good luck!
Lots of love,
Evan
